Seventeen months ago Clay and I were convinced that we were being called to start the adoption process. That set in motion a variety of things. We added a second story to our house, gained another bedroom and got the boys out of Alayna’s bathroom. I brought the big box of board books down from the attic and dusted them off, and sat on the floor and read them all again, and remembered tiny fingers and smiled at the teeth marks on the corners.
I gathered verses to pray for a girl we had not yet met. For a mother we’d never meet. The decision to adopt also began a process in our hearts, as we opened up to the idea of our family looking very different. I was a little afraid, but I was mostly excited. As the months wore on, our anticipation heightened. We became impatient. Where was our girl? Those who have read earlier entries on this blog saw this anxiety. You watched with us as our number crept down ever so slowly, cheering each time it did.
When Natalie Green from Africa New Life came to us and asked if we’d be willing to care for Rebeka while she was in Texas, we hardly had to think twice. Of course! We were all set up for a little girl. We even had new sheets in the closet. Rebeka would help us pass the time, so we wouldn’t be so anxious about the adoption. She’d be a welcome distraction.
And then she came.
And she is so much more than a distraction. Meanwhile, while all this was going on, Clay and I, separately, began to feel less sure about the adoption. Once we talked and realized we were both feeling the same thing, we began to pray. We gave it time. We did not want to make a decision based on fear, or selfishness, but only on conviction. Was this no longer what we were being called to do? But why? As we waited, and listened, and watched, we have come to see that not only is Rebeka much more than a distraction, she is the girl. She is the girl we’ve been preparing for all this time.
This house would not have worked very well for our family and Rebeka without the big remodel we did, in anticipation of a baby. I can’t imagine the four kids trying to share that little bathroom. And guess who is loving those board books, and learning so much vocabulary from them? And guess who each one of those verses was meant for? The ones about “I know the plans I have for you” and “The Lord will protect you” and “for those who have set their hearts on pilgrimage” and “blessed are those whose strength is in you.”
When we were first talking about adoption, I said there was no way I could foster to adopt, because I couldn’t bear attaching to a child and then having to let go if things didn’t work out. Guess what we’ll do this Spring? Guess who is getting attached anyway? With every intention of sending her home to her family with much joy, we are loving her while she is with us. It will be hard to say goodbye, but it will be right.
This past month, we knew it was time to make some decisions about the adoption, as our paperwork began to expire. We have decided to discontinue the adoption process for now. It feels right. Who knows what the future has in store for us? Maybe a baby, maybe not. All we know is that right now we’re right where we need to be, caring for Rebeka and loving her heartily. She has become part of our family for a while. She watched homecoming festivities wide-eyed.
She took her first 4 wheeler ride with Nate and didn’t flinch.
Today she got cast #8 on her left foot and cast #2 on her right foot. I was struck by how gradual the process has been. How slowly her skin has stretched, to allow her toes to release. I see how we were like that. We were gradually stretched, with adoption paperwork and numbers on wait lists, and now here we are.
I want to thank everyone who sent us encouragement, prayed for us, and helped us in so many ways. You are a part of this story, too, and I hope this new chapter does not disappoint. I hope you marvel as much as we do at all the plot twists, the suspense, the unexpected turns. Only a master storyteller could weave such a tale, and we count it nothing but joy to be part of the tale.